


Pain

by ghostlywritings



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlywritings/pseuds/ghostlywritings
Summary: They both lost someone precious to them and they knew each other’s pain all too well. But was it enough for the princess to break through the walls of guilt and suffering built by years? In the end Tokugawa Soyo didn’t know but she swore to fight her own battles.





	Pain

The princess seemed to be up to something.

'Nobume-san, don't you ever feel lonely?' she asked.

Nobume's expression was unreadable as always. 'Why are you asking, princess?'

'I was just wondering,' she replied with her usual innocence. 'I don't know what's on your mind.'

'I live for the sake of the name Isaburo gave me and people he decided to protect. I don't have luxury to be thinking about such things,' she paused for a while. 'Neither I have the right to.'

Soyo stayed silent for a while. She knew Nobume still blamed herself. She wished she could lessen the burden the girl carried on her back, even if only a little bit.

Come to thinking about it, Soyo never saw her smiling.

'It's not your fault, Nobume-san,' Soyo said confidently. 'We both have loved and lost so don't blame yourself anymore, please. I said I know your pain.'

'You forgave both that man and me,' Nobume avoided her gaze. 'Others in your place would never end the cycle of hatred, princess. They would try to take revenge no matter how many lives would be lost in the process.'

She was right. But if someone didn't break the cycle, it would end up crushing everyone Soyo cared about.

People made mistakes but that didn't mean they had to suffer for their whole lives because of them. Shigeshige wouldn't want this. And neither did Soyo.

'Revenge wouldn't bring back my brother to life.'

'And if it did?'

Soyo shook her head.

'It's not something he would want. He didn't want any deaths. My brother wanted a country where everyone could smile no matter what they did in the past,' Soyo was very convinced of her stance. 'And I want to make it come true. Not as a princess, but as Tokugawa Shigeshige's sister, Soyo.'

Nobume didn't seem particularly relieved, but she was a bit less tense.

'I see.'

Soyo wondered for a while what else she could do for her, but the girl seemed asleep. She didn't want to disrupt Nobume's sleep, especially when she looked so peaceful.

For Nobume, most of the nights weren't that quiet. Sometimes she stayed up until late at night staring at the window and being haunted by her own thoughts. Even when she managed to fall asleep, at times Soyo could hear desperate muttering and sobbing. In the end she could only pretend she didn't notice anything to not trouble Nobume. She hated being so powerless.

She snuggled against Sadaharu's fur, decided to get some rest and think about some ideas to make Nobume feel better in the morning. It was really nice of Kagura to lend them her beloved dog for a time being.

Suddenly, a thought struck Soyo. Maybe Kagura would have an idea. She had a gentle heart and was good at cheering people up. After all, she was the one who helped Nobume back then on the Kokujo island. She might have a better grasp of things.

Soyo didn't want to bother anyone during the hard times of war. But she didn't want to see someone so precious to her in pain. She swore to protect everyone with her own hands.

While trying to figure the right decision out, at some point she fell asleep. But in the morning she knew what to do. Even if it was selfish or improper, she would ask Kagura for help. After the last battle things calmed down a bit, so there shouldn't be a problem.

Nobume didn't mind sharing her donuts if it was with people she liked. Despite usually being quiet, and even though she never said it, she seemed to enjoy having breakfast with Soyo. Although it was unnoticeable to people who didn't know the girl well, her expression always softened a bit. Soyo wished she could see Nobume was relaxed like this more often.

During the breakfast she realized one thing. She didn't knew when Nobume's birthday was. She never asked and the older girl didn't talk about it.

'Nobume-san?' she asked.

'Yes, princess?'

'Forgive me if this is all of a sudden,' she said gathering every last bit of her confidence. 'But you never told me when your birthday is.'

'I don't have one.'

'Huh?'

'I don't remember anything like this,' she muttered after a while. 'Or more like I don't want to remember.'

'Why is that so?'

'I don't know the day I was born. All I remember is the day Mukuro was born. Until then there was only pain. When Naraku took me there was no longer any suffering.'

She knew it was Nobume's name years ago, back when the girl served as an assassin in the Naraku faction.

'It was because of him that I became this weird,' she confessed. 'And then I tried to repent for my sins and live up to his teachings but I failed.'

'That's not right,' Soyo's face was full of determination. 'I'm sure you did. If you weren't precious to Isaburo-san, he wouldn't have acted like that.'

The princess embraced Nobume. Her bodyguard was viewed as a cold person, but someone whose hands and tears were that warm couldn't have a cold heart. At that moment she was even more sure about what to do.

'I want to see Kagura-chan,' she told the palace guards. 'Understood, princess,' they said taking adequate measures almost immediately. It wasn't a long time until Soyo sneaked out with one of them to the city.

Kagura seemed alright despite all the fighting she must have been through.

'Soyo-chan!' Kagura wrapped the princess in a hug.

'I'm sorry for bothering you, Kagura-chan,' she said after they parted. 'I just wanted to ask you for an advice.' '

It's okay, Soyo-chan. I was sick of those idiots anyway,' Kagura said cheerfully. Somehow she managed to keep her high spirits despite all things happening around her.

'I wanted to talk about Nobume-san...' she was a bit unsure of what to say, but she got some words out. 'I don't know how to make her feel better. You're so wonderful at cheering people up, so I wanted to ask you, Kagura-chan.'

'You're in love with her, yes?' she asked bluntly.

'That's...' Soyo looked down. She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know much about love. It was just that seeing Nobume sad made her sad as well. 'I don't know.'

Kagura seemed surprised. 'You don't know? How is that so?'

'I'm not really sure about this stuff, Kagura-chan.'

'Love doesn't really have a definition. It's when you care about each other and can't part no matter what. You want to hold the person you love,' she smiled. 'Sometimes two boys or two girls fall in love with each other. Isn't that normal?'

It made Soyo confused. If that was the case, then she might really have been in love with Nobume. She cared about her and couldn't imagine them going separate ways. But even then, she didn't have any idea how to act.

'Even if I'm in love... I don't really know what to do...'

'It's obvious. You have to confess, yes?'

'Confess? How exactly do you do that?'

Soyo heard some steps nearby. Was someone listening to their conversation? She frowned.

'This is easy, princess,' someone said in a familiar voice. 'But it may not be that obvious to someone in your position. We ordinary people say something like we want to **** someone senseless and put our **** in their *****.

Soyo was a bit perplexed.

'Okita-san, I don't know how to play the tsukkomi very well, but...'

'What are you even doing here, Sadist?!' Kagura clearly got irritated. 'Leave Soyo-chan alone!'

'I was on my way to switch Hijikata's bottles of mayonnaise with ketchup but I stopped on my way when I saw the princess here. Why are you asking?'

'Get away from here,' she hissed. 'Brutes like you don't know how to deal with young girls' sensitive hearts.'

'Even the most sensitive heart melts when met with a good master.'

'That's not love, that's just domestic violence.'

Kagura sent him flying with a punch in the blink of an eye.

After a while the door opened quietly.

'He deserved it,' Hijikata exhaled the smoke from the cigarette. Despite his calm appearance, his eyes were filled with fury. 'Never touch my mayonnaise again.'

'Toshi!' Kagura screamed.

'Hey, don't call me that!' he frowned.

'Soyo-chan needs an advice about a girl.'

'Umm,' Hijikata scratched his head. He took a bottle of mayonnaise out of his pocket. 'I don't know much about this but I'm sure that if you cook her a meal and add some mayonnaise, it will reach her heart, princess.'

'Hijikata-san, I don't think it's a good idea. You see, she...' Soyo replied nervously but it was disturbed by Okita throwing the bottle of mayonnaise through the window.

'Sougo, you little bastard!' He screamed while going after the running captain.

Soyo laughed. 'They never change, do they?'

She was relieved that even during the war everyone could laugh and do things they usually did.

'Idiots will always be idiots,' Kagura commented. 'Just leave them alone until they tire each other out.'

'I wish I could be with everyone too, Kagura-chan.'

'You have another business to deal with, yes?' Kagura smiled.

Soyo lowered her gaze. 'I wish I could do something for Nobume-san...'

'It's not that difficult, Soyo-chan. You don't need fancy things to convey your feeling. Something simple but meaningful will do even a better job. And if you act stubborn enough, you're sure to reach her, yes? So don't sweat it.'

Kagura hugged her. Soyo felt a sudden surge of confidence. 'I think I know what to do now. Thank you, Kagura-chan.'

Once she reached the palace, she started forming a plan. Nobume didn't know her own birthday so she never had a chance to celebrate it. Soyo wondered for a while. Even though it wasn't a real birth date, if the girl got to experience it, any day would be fine.

The princess made her decision. Despite being with Nobume most of the day she managed to keep all the preparations secret from her.

Of course there was no way to have a fancy party in the middle of the war and Soyo was aware of that. But she wanted to make this day as special as she could. She engaged all the available servants to make some donuts and decorations for Nobume.

It was a late evening when Soyo gathered the courage to ask: 'Nobume-san...?'

The girl turned around. 'Yes, princess?'

'Mind coming with me?'

Nobume followed her to one of the rooms. It was nothing too extravagant. There were some candles on the table, a bunch of balloons tied to the furniture and a huge amount of donuts on the plate.

Nobume seemed surprised. 'Princess?'

'Nobume-san...' Soyo said nervously. 'You said you don't know your birthday. But even if it's all a play, I wanted to show you how it is to celebrate it so I hope you won't get mad.'

Nobume stared at the space, her expression darkened. 'Why?'

Soyo didn't say anything. She knew it was hard for the girl. 'Why are you nice to someone like me, princess?'

Soyo clenched her tiny fists. She wasn't a fighter so she couldn't help Kagura and the others during the war but she was able to participate in other kinds of battles, not only her own but Nobume's too.

She fiercely looked her in the eyes.

'Because I love you, Nobume-san,' she said after a while. 'I'm willing to carry your burden with you for the rest of our lives and share your pain with you. So don't make that sad face anymore, please.'

'Princess...?'

'Call me Soyo, okay?' Soyo embraced her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. Nobume was surprised but she reciprocated after a while.

'Thank you... Soyo…,' she could heard a glint of happiness in Nobume’s voice. 'I promise to forever stay by your side.'

For the first time Soyo saw a genuine smile on Nobume's face.


End file.
